Still Learning, St. Marks, 7/5/04, long, **UPDATED**

[dbplug]

Well folks, I am feeling much better today. Typing is a little bit of a challenge. Using word and cut and paste to get this at least phonetically correct.

Another funny thing happened today. My doctors nurse called just before lunch. Nice lady. She wanted to see how I felt and how I was doing. A sort of follow up, she said.
“Are you having any headaches?”
“No, but the back of my head is still sore, and I certainly can’t lie on my back.”
“How is your vision Mr. D? Any blurriness, tunnel vision?
“No Ma’am, just the typical over 40 wackiness.”
“Any back pain? Pain in your extremeties?”
“No Ma’am, my fingers are stiff, but they don’t really hurt, I think it’s the splints and bandages.”
“Any abdominal Pain or discomfort? Difficulty urinating or having a bowel movement?”
“No Ma’am, that’s all feeling much better, though it does feel funny if I sit the wrong way.”
“Well Dr. ********** would like you to come in for a follow up at 1:45, can you make it?”
“Sure, I will be there.”

Imagine that, a doctor asking ME to come see HIM. I am a little taken aback, but I think maybe this was more serious than I thought. I mean I have had concussions before, tree climbing, riding bikes, the pickaxe fight and riding car hoods off Tram Road. I never had a follow up before. (probably why I am the way I am)

So I get to the office on time. Nobody else waiting. Cool. This will be quick. I can get back to work. Maybe take a nap. I sign in and don’t get a chance to sit down in the waiting room. Nurse Michelle takes me immediately to Exam Room #2. She takes my BP, pulse, temperature. She asks me all the same questions again. I answer them all pretty much the same. Nurse Michelle says “OK Mr. D, Dr. ********** will be in in a moment. One moment later there is Dr. ********** in the door.

Now Dr. ********** has never had the greatest bedside manner. Sure, he smiles sometimes. He takes his doctoring very, very seriously, and I like that. Never heard him laugh or show any other emotion, even when I told my best or worse joke. He goes straight to my chart and says without looking at me, “Hello ****, how are you feeling today?” He asks pretty much the same questions as Nurse Michelle who walks back in the room halfway through the interrogation. I give the same answers again. Thinking to myself this is beginning to get old. He asks again about my vision, and then about my hearing, no problem I say.

Dr. ********** says he would like to get his partner Dr. ****** to come in and assist with the physical exam, says I won’t mind. OK, no problem I say, thinking whatever I can do to help further medical knowledge and experience would be the right thing to do. I am wondering if Dr. ****** has some minor degree in neurology or psychology. Nurse Michelle leaves to get Dr. ******. Dr. ********** continues to read my chart and is putting on gloves. Nurse Michelle returns with the physicians assistant, ****, PA.(pssst-we don’t call them doctors). We exchange pleasantries, he is a really nice guy. Has a beard, is young, easy going. Dr. ****** walks in a moment later. Says hello, I say Hello.

Dr. ********** says”****, you have met my partner, Dr. ******. My Doctor says to his partner “Mr. D came in yesterday with a contusion on the anterior cranium, fractures in the third and fourth proximal phalanx(fingers), and severe bruising in the pecutinial regions and testes. ****, would you tell him what happened to you on Monday?”

So I give the low down, like I did in the previous post up until the part where I jumped on the fish. I looked at everyone in the room, to make sure that they were still paying attention, because I really dig hooking up a big fish and I hoped they were into it as well. Nurse Michelle was leaning back against the door, my Dr. ********** was closer to me leaning against the counter by the sink. **** the PA was directly behind me leaning on the table I was sitting on, the other Dr. ****** was standing directly in front of me. Dr. ****** says he wants to look at the back of my head. I say sure. He digs through my balding pate and looks at and presses the dissipating goose egg on the back of my head. He has me put my head up and follow the light around the room. Looks in my eyes, the whole gig.

Dr. ****** ask me to tell him what happened after the fish was in the boat. You folks here know the drill from before so I won’t repeat it. I looked down at my hands and knees and were telling them - Beat repeatedly in the crotch, walloped in the hand with a mini Louisville Slugger – then I noticed that something in the room changed I thought the AC had come on, a vibration maybe, so I paused in my description. I did not notice any more air movement or notice any AC hum. Then I thought maybe the heater was on in the table I was sitting on, maybe they were trying some therapy on the boys. Nope, didn’t feel any warmer. Then I heard this squeaking sound. I looked at my doctor and he was stoned faced as usual, Nurse Michelle had a little smile on her face. Dr. ****** was as red faced as can be. I turn around and the PA behind me has his hand over his bearded red face struggling to breathe through muffled laughter and tears, shaking the table in the process. I put my hand on his shoulder and said “It’s OK, laugh, if you can’t laugh at yours or others stupidity then there is no purpose in going on”.

Everyone in the room starts laughing out loud. My doctor says to continue. His partner asks incredulously, “There is more? Oh yes, the cranial contusion! Go on!”

So I described the whack in the back of the head, the nausea, the exhaustion, the one that got away. They laughed like crazy and so did I. Nurse Michelle was now crying. She has a really big mouth with a beautiful full laugh. They looked at my fingers, asking more about the event. They did ask to briefly see the groin area. They were very serious then, it is a blueish green today. I think the men appreciated the impact zone and its condition. A little wincing in the room.

They gave me a clean bill of health, a good prognosis for recovery, thanks for being a sport, and giving them the best laugh they have had in a long time. You know, I think my doctor may be coming out of his shell a little.

[Fish Masterson]

And I thought I had a rough experience with a Cobia that got away.

[Redbelly]

This story brings new meaning to "fighting the fish", don't it?

Or, this really defines a "fish fight"....

[mjsigns]

Printed your story out and shared it with a co-worker.... Left him in tears....

[tin can]

I've been fishing a long time, but this is the best fish story I've ever heard.

DB, you get the fish tale award of all time.

[BIG]

Hands down the best fish story I have ever heard!

[Eerman]

Now I have bladder problems...that was classic. Don't magazines pay for stuff like that

[manley]

Thanks for the tale. That was the funniest thing I have ever read! (But sorry you lost the fish.)

[arcadiainc]

A wonderful story beautifully written. Maybe the Tallahassee Democrat needs a great writer! Look out Florida Sportsman!

[BlindHog]

I agree - I have never read any fishing/hunting story this funny. Great story and even better delivery. Belongs in a Florida Sportsman or somewhere similar. Would definitely submit somewhere. Could even be start of a new career, man.

Ps. Agree that a firearm would be helpful prior to any future cobia bulldogging, but considering your partner's accident-prone tendency, make sure its small caliber.

[2true]

Ahh the memories....

[DWilliams]

Thanks DB.

[beerfish]

W-O-W!!!

[noleflyfisher]

Positively hilarious. Thanks for bringing it back up.

[Ron Wilson]

Man, that was funny (sorry DB). I was convulsing in laughter. I can't imagine hearing that in a professional setting, while attempting to maintain your composure. I was wiping tears away at the end. Thanks for sharing.