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JOTD

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JOTD

Postby silverking » May 17th, 2017, 3:29 pm

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit
is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down,
neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter,
gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants;
takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist,
gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel,
which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father
and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure his son has suffered no ill effects,
the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,

"I've never seen anybody
do anything like that before,
it was fantastic.
Are you a doctor?"

"No,"
the woman replied...
"Divorce attorney."
"Sun rise and sun sets. Since the beginning, it hasn't changed yet." Little Feat
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Re: JOTD

Postby big bend gyrene » May 17th, 2017, 4:57 pm

Thankfully never been through the experience... listening to Jerry Reed sing about it when I was a boy always made me scared to go that route! ;-) :lol:

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Re: JOTD

Postby Salty Gator » May 17th, 2017, 5:46 pm

:lol:
It aint nothin' to get shot over
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Re: JOTD

Postby GaryDroze » May 17th, 2017, 9:25 pm

Jerry Reed...my inspiration!

Growing up in England (Air Force brat), I somehow came across a recording of Jerry Reed's "Amos Moses" and thought how cool it would be to spend every free moment waist-deep in the southern swamps.

30 years later, the dream came true. Hats off to Jerry Reed, a true original.
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Re: JOTD

Postby big bend gyrene » May 18th, 2017, 12:09 am

GaryDroze wrote:Jerry Reed...my inspiration!

Growing up in England (Air Force brat), I somehow came across a recording of Jerry Reed's "Amos Moses" and thought how cool it would be to spend every free moment waist-deep in the southern swamps.

30 years later, the dream came true. Hats off to Jerry Reed, a true original.

Awesome story, Gary!

Love "Amos Moses" as well... back when the Mrs. and I were running a marathon a month it was on my fairly eclectic running playlist so I listened to it many a time.

In a weird way, Reed motivated me to love the area as well, though not with "Amos Moses" but instead "The Ballad of Gator McKlusky". Don't remember exactly the circumstances behind seeing the movie "Gator" when I was a boy in the foothills of the Carolinas, but do still remember loving the Okofeenokee setting and the crazy "Dukes of Hazard" style boat chases (granted I was about 9 at the time :lol: ).

Above shared, and getting back more to the original post by Silverking, after pulling up "She Got the Goldmine" on Youtube this video played next and let me just say while I blessedly have dodged dealing with "She Got the Goldmine" I ABSOLUTELY understand EXACTLY where Reed's coming from on THIS one! Blessedly the last line of the song didn't prove true in my case... the Mrs. had a certain surgery this past year and I have to admit that the F5 tornadoes (with feet) smoothed out to the point they now seem like pleasant gentle trade wins. :-) :beer:

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Re: JOTD

Postby Juan » May 18th, 2017, 9:41 am

big bend gyrene wrote:
In a weird way, Reed motivated me to love the area as well, though not with "Amos Moses" but instead "The Ballad of Gator McKlusky".


LOL. I had almost forgotten that song. I hated it then. It earned me the nickname Gator when I was young since my last name is spelled a little different but sounds just like McKlusky. :-D
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Re: JOTD

Postby SHOWBOAT » May 18th, 2017, 10:04 am

great song...funny joke.

I've been through a divorce; not fun even if handled efficiently. Mine took about 7 days.
Swore off marriage after that, but alas I'm engaged again as of a few weeks ago. Proposed on the boat while in Charlotte Harbor on the way to Tarpon Lodge. That reminds me, I still owe SK and SG updates from trips to MX and Charlotte Harbor. Thanks for the help guys! Both were great trips, but obviously the Charlotte Harbor trip carries some more meaning at this point.
In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. And we will understand only what we are taught.
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Re: JOTD

Postby Salty Gator » May 18th, 2017, 11:49 am

Congratulations Brian
It aint nothin' to get shot over
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Re: JOTD

Postby silverking » May 18th, 2017, 12:50 pm

A proposal would top the memory meter. Congrats Brian. Will look for you at the RTSO meeting tonight.
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Re: JOTD

Postby FUTCHCAIRO » May 18th, 2017, 2:30 pm

HEY SHOWBOAT, I USE TO OWN MOST OF THE SAND SOAKED LAND NORTH OF THE RIVER, FROM THE BRIDGE ALL THE WAY OUT TO THE GULF ON THE PEACE RIVER. I SOLD IT TO A BANKER FROM DOWN IN MIAMI BY THE NAME OF MACKLE, HE MAMED THE LAND I HAD , ELKCAM RANCH. HE LATER SUBDIVIDED THE PASTURE AND NAMED IT CHARLOTE HARBOR. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTIN RICH WHEN HE PAID ME $300 AN ACRE FOR THAT PLACE. HE CUT SOME CANALS OFF OF THE BAY BACK THROUGH THE ENTIRE 500 ACRES SO EACH LOT WOULD HAVE WATER ACCESS TO THE GULF, HE GOT $2,500 FOR EACH 1 ACRE LOT, NOW THAT IS THE WAY TO MAKE A BUNDLE.
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SEMPER FI
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Heres another

Postby DAWG FAN » May 18th, 2017, 3:26 pm

A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?"

"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown

"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"

"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
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Re: JOTD

Postby reelbad » May 18th, 2017, 6:27 pm

SHOWBOAT wrote:great song...funny joke.

I've been through a divorce; not fun even if handled efficiently. Mine took about 7 days.
Swore off marriage after that, but alas I'm engaged again as of a few weeks ago. Proposed on the boat while in Charlotte Harbor on the way to Tarpon Lodge. That reminds me, I still owe SK and SG updates from trips to MX and Charlotte Harbor. Thanks for the help guys! Both were great trips, but obviously the Charlotte Harbor trip carries some more meaning at this point.

Don't do it Brian, you will go from SHOWBOAT TO NOBOAT. :-D Just kidding, congratulations. :thumbup:
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