And Then The Fight Started

[Tom Keels]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....

************************************************** **********************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

************************************************** *********************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

************************************************** *********************


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

[bman]

[Reel Cowboy]

[Chalk]

[Redbelly]

disability.....

[whitebc]

A husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife
'They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans', he says
'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies... 'SO DOES 24 CANS OF BEER AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE'

And the the fight started...

[cmccord]

[Jumptrout51]

I can't believe it. Keels has turned into a real person.

[CATCH 22]

[Ron Wilson]

That's pretty dayum funny right there.

[Flint River Pirate]

[Cranfield]

I can't believe it. Keels has turned into a real person.

And then the fight started...

[snatch-n-reel]

I can't believe it. Keels has turned into a real person.

[fishsticks]

I'm gonna use those and take credit as long as I can, I'll confess when need be.

[Fish Masterson]

OK, I know this is probably in bad taste, but here goes:
Obama approached the Pearly Gates, and Peter walked up to greet him. Peter asked him, why do you think that you should be allowed into heaven. Obama, without missing a beat, proudly spouted out, I was the first african-american ever to be elected president of the United States. Peter said, oh yeah, I never heard of that happening, when did that happen. Obama said, about 20 seconds ago............

and now the fight can start....