Quickies for my fans
Posted: October 15th, 2006, 9:11 am
>>QUICKIE #1
>>One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his
> wife dressed in a very
>>sexy nightie.
>>
>>"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
> want."
>>
>>So he tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>>
>>Quickie #2
>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the
> driveway, and ran into the
>>house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of
> her lungs, "Honey,
>>pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>>
>>The husband said, "Oh my gosh! What should I pack,
> beach stuff or mountain
>>stuff?"
>>
>>"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #3
>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
> always right, and the
>>other is a husband.
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #4
>>A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
> driver's license. First,
>>of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
> optician showed him a Card
>>with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>
>>"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>>
>>"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #5
>>Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said
> to them, "I must Tell
>>you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> convent."
>>
>>"Thank goodness," said an elderly nun at the back.
> "I'm so tired of
>>Chardonnay."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #6
>>A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
> husband. Suddenly, her
>>husband burst into the kitchen.
>>
>>"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
> butter! Oh my gosh! You're
>>cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
> THEM NOW! We need more
>>butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE
> BUTTER? They're going To
>>STICK!
>>
>>Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> listen to me when yo u're
>>cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
> Have you LOST your mind?
>>
>>Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget
> to salt them. Use The
>>salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
>>
>>The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
> with you? You think I
>>don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>
>>The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you
> what it feels like when
>>I'm driving."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #7
>>Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
> mountain man, was
>>drafted by the Army.
>>
>>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
> him a comb. That
>>afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>>
>>On his second day, the Army issued Herman a
> toothbrush. That afternoon the
>>Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>>
>>On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been
>>looking for Herman for 51 years!
>
>>One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his
> wife dressed in a very
>>sexy nightie.
>>
>>"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
> want."
>>
>>So he tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>>
>>Quickie #2
>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the
> driveway, and ran into the
>>house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of
> her lungs, "Honey,
>>pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>>
>>The husband said, "Oh my gosh! What should I pack,
> beach stuff or mountain
>>stuff?"
>>
>>"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #3
>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
> always right, and the
>>other is a husband.
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #4
>>A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
> driver's license. First,
>>of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
> optician showed him a Card
>>with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>
>>"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>>
>>"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #5
>>Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said
> to them, "I must Tell
>>you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> convent."
>>
>>"Thank goodness," said an elderly nun at the back.
> "I'm so tired of
>>Chardonnay."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #6
>>A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
> husband. Suddenly, her
>>husband burst into the kitchen.
>>
>>"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
> butter! Oh my gosh! You're
>>cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
> THEM NOW! We need more
>>butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE
> BUTTER? They're going To
>>STICK!
>>
>>Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> listen to me when yo u're
>>cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
> Have you LOST your mind?
>>
>>Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget
> to salt them. Use The
>>salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
>>
>>The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
> with you? You think I
>>don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>
>>The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you
> what it feels like when
>>I'm driving."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #7
>>Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
> mountain man, was
>>drafted by the Army.
>>
>>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
> him a comb. That
>>afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>>
>>On his second day, the Army issued Herman a
> toothbrush. That afternoon the
>>Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>>
>>On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been
>>looking for Herman for 51 years!
>
