This is not a joke

[Jumptrout51]

> The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
> chemistry mid-term.
>
> The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
> with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
> the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
>
> Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
> (absorbs heat)?
>
> Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
> (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
> variant.
>
> One student, however, wrote the following:
>
> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
> need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
> which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
> gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for
> how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
> that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you
> are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is
> more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
> than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth
> and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
> increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
> in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
> pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
> proportionately as souls are added.
>
> This gives two possibilities:
>
> 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
> enter Hell, then the temperature and pres sure in Hell will increase until
> all Hell breaks loose.
>
> 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
> Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
>
> So which is it?
>
> If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
> that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
> into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
> must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
> frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
> over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
> extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
> divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
> God."
>
>
> THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[CATCH 22]

THAT IS SO EFFIN COOL

[Capt Reggie]

Aye, Professor, give the lad a PhD in Hell, Fire, & Damnation by God...he graduated to the head of his class, nevermind the fair damsel in "distress"! Cute, JT51, what else have you been studying lately, eh?

[wevans]

The Blonde, the Preacher and the Ku Klux Clan

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation
has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie
and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do
not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and
ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and
admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart
you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." A gain all
was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic
rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she
spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said
you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends
that you were a wizard under the sheets."

[What a mess]

THE PREACHER STOOD IN FRONT OF THE CONGREGATION AND EXPRESSED HIS SORROW THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE.

HE WENT ON TO EXPLAIN THAT THE LITTLE CHURCH HAD BEEN BEYOND WONDERFUL TO HIS FAMILY SINCE HE HAD GRADUATED FROM THE SEMINARY BUT THAT WHILE THE CHURCH HAS TRIED TO DO RIGHT THAT TO BE FAIR TO HIS FAMILY HE NEEDED TO MOVE ON TO A LARGER CONGREGATION.

SIGHS AND GROANS FILLED THE ROOM.

IN THE SECOND PEW A MAN STOOD AND SAID THAT HE WAS THE BEST PREACHER THEY HAD EVER HAD AND HE REFUSED TO LET HIM GO.

"I OWN A NEW CAR DEALERSHIP AND WILL GIVE YOU AND YOUR WIFE A NEW CAR EVERY YEAR AND PAY ALL GAS AND INSURANCE. FURTHER WHEN HIS KIDS WERE OLD ENOUGH HE WOULD GIVE THEM NEW CARS TOO." HE THEN ENCOURAGED OTHERS IN THE GROUP TO DO THEIR PART.

THE CROWD CHEERED LOUDLY.

ANOTHER STOOD AND THANKED THE PREACHER AND VOWED HE WOULD DOUBLE HIS PAY AND SET ASIDE MONEY FOR RETIREMENT AND HIS KIDS COLLEGE. HE ALSO ENCOURAGED OTHERS TO DO THEIR PART.

THE CHEERS WERE EVEN LOUDER.

THEN AN ELDERLY WOMEN IN THE BACK ROW SHOUTED AND I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE SEX YOU WANT.

THE GASPS ECHOED THROUGH THE ROOM.

THE PREACHER FINALLY ASKED SISTER SALLY WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SHE SAID SHE ASKED HER HUSBAND WHAT THEY COULD DO TO HELP AND HE HAD REPLIED AWE SCREW THE PREACHER.

[AJ]

Good jokes guys , I can't believe ya'll posted preacher jokes I've never heard before.