Darwin Awards
Posted: August 1st, 2007, 2:11 pm
I hope non of you are related to any of these folks:
DARWIN AWARDS
> >
> >
> > In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's
> > Darwin Awards---- awards are given each year to bestow upon the
> > remains
> > or estate of (in most cases) that individual, who through single-
> > minded
> > self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements
> > from
> > the human gene pool. Just think... until these events occurred,
> > these
> > same people were walking the streets just like normal people.
> >
> >
> >
> > SIXTH PLACE: Goes to a San Anselmo , California man who died
> > when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area while
> > riding
> > down the slope on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
> > dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3
> > a.m.,
> > the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends
> > apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and removed
> > some
> > yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of
> > the
> > Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers
> > who
> > might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down
> > the
> > ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
> > investigated
> > and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
> >
> >
> >
> > FIFTH PLACE: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
> > disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
> > the
> > police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked
> > out
> > without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
> > Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
> > choked him to death.
> >
> >
> >
> > FOURTH PLACE: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
> > a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
> > instantly when it fell on him.
> >
> >
> >
> > THIRD PLACE: "Man loses face at party" A man at a West Virginia
> > party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
> > who
> > used the
> > .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
> > blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
> > that
> > blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of
> > Kincaid,
> > bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night,
> > said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had a blasting cap in an aquarium
> > hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off
> > and
> > this guy said," I'll show you how to set it off!" He put it into his
> > mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and
> > tongue
> > off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday
> > with
> > extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
> > Area Medical Division "I just can't imagine anyone doing something
> > like
> > that," Payne said. (Note: Maybe that's why they call these the
> > Darwin
> > Awards)
> >
> >
> >
> > SECOND PLACE: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
> > Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be
> > alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25,
> > lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's
> > rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid
> > Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to
> > shoot
> > a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.
> > Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
> > major
> > blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
> > instantly.
> > Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in
> > Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with
> > the
> > tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
> > all
> > major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to
> > pull
> > the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
> > Roberts
> > admitted afterwards that he and his friend had been drinking that
> > afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THIS YEAR'S WINNER: John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins,
> > of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
> > Metallica
> > concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
> > (but
> > having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to
> > "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
> >
> > They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
> > was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins,
> > to
> > hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
> > (the
> > late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of
> > the
> > fence.
> >
> > Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
> > tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm)
> > by a
> > large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
> > with
> > a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
> > figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket
> > knife
> > and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
> >
> > Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp
> > leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of
> > his
> > shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse,
> > upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
> >
> > Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw
> > him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the
> > pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste,
> > he
> > put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing on
> > his
> > friend and killing him.
> >
> > Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown
> > 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
> > injuries upon moving the truck, they found John deceased under it
> > half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
> > knife
> > in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in
> > the
> > air.
> >
> >
> > Congratulations gentlemen. You win. Five more idiots have been
> > removed from the gene pool and we are richer because of your supreme
> > sacrifice.
DARWIN AWARDS
> >
> >
> > In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's
> > Darwin Awards---- awards are given each year to bestow upon the
> > remains
> > or estate of (in most cases) that individual, who through single-
> > minded
> > self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements
> > from
> > the human gene pool. Just think... until these events occurred,
> > these
> > same people were walking the streets just like normal people.
> >
> >
> >
> > SIXTH PLACE: Goes to a San Anselmo , California man who died
> > when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area while
> > riding
> > down the slope on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
> > dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3
> > a.m.,
> > the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends
> > apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and removed
> > some
> > yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of
> > the
> > Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers
> > who
> > might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down
> > the
> > ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
> > investigated
> > and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
> >
> >
> >
> > FIFTH PLACE: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
> > disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
> > the
> > police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked
> > out
> > without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
> > Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
> > choked him to death.
> >
> >
> >
> > FOURTH PLACE: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
> > a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
> > instantly when it fell on him.
> >
> >
> >
> > THIRD PLACE: "Man loses face at party" A man at a West Virginia
> > party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
> > who
> > used the
> > .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
> > blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
> > that
> > blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of
> > Kincaid,
> > bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night,
> > said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had a blasting cap in an aquarium
> > hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off
> > and
> > this guy said," I'll show you how to set it off!" He put it into his
> > mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and
> > tongue
> > off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday
> > with
> > extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
> > Area Medical Division "I just can't imagine anyone doing something
> > like
> > that," Payne said. (Note: Maybe that's why they call these the
> > Darwin
> > Awards)
> >
> >
> >
> > SECOND PLACE: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
> > Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be
> > alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25,
> > lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's
> > rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid
> > Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to
> > shoot
> > a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.
> > Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
> > major
> > blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
> > instantly.
> > Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in
> > Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with
> > the
> > tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
> > all
> > major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to
> > pull
> > the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
> > Roberts
> > admitted afterwards that he and his friend had been drinking that
> > afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THIS YEAR'S WINNER: John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins,
> > of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
> > Metallica
> > concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
> > (but
> > having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to
> > "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
> >
> > They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
> > was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins,
> > to
> > hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
> > (the
> > late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of
> > the
> > fence.
> >
> > Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
> > tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm)
> > by a
> > large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
> > with
> > a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
> > figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket
> > knife
> > and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
> >
> > Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp
> > leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of
> > his
> > shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse,
> > upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
> >
> > Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw
> > him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the
> > pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste,
> > he
> > put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing on
> > his
> > friend and killing him.
> >
> > Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown
> > 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
> > injuries upon moving the truck, they found John deceased under it
> > half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
> > knife
> > in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in
> > the
> > air.
> >
> >
> > Congratulations gentlemen. You win. Five more idiots have been
> > removed from the gene pool and we are richer because of your supreme
> > sacrifice.
