Rodney Dangerfield says
Posted: September 11th, 2011, 4:10 pm
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
