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Tequila Christmas Cake


1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 lb unsalted nuts
1 fifth Tequila
2 cups dried fruit


- Sample the tequila to check quality
- Take a large bowl, check the tequila again
- To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink
- Repeat
- Turn on the electric mixer
- Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl
- Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again
- At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still ok
- Try another cup...just in case
- Turn off the mixerer thingy
- Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck the cup of dried fruit
- Pick the friggin' fruit up off the floor
- Mix on the turner
- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver
- Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity
- Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something
- Check the tequila
- Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
- No wait...shtrain the lemon juice and shift your nuts
- Add one table
- Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find
- Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
- Don't forget to beat off the turner
- Finally, throw the bowl through the window
- Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat

I have tried that recipe and it works great!! Amazing how consitant it turns out everytime

Could explain why the Cat gets really nervous this time of year

Classic FR.
When I saw ' 1 fifth Tequila', and before reading the destructions, I knew, I'd never get finished with this cake..
Funn-ney..

Can I make the same cake with Jack Daniels?

Yes, you can. But the recipe changes a little. Instead of a bowl, use a small barrel and substitute a 'possum for the cat.

Playing early Loretta Lynn records while baking is also encouraged.

I have the small barrel, and can probably find a 'possom. I don't have any early Loretta Lynn records. Will early Pink Floyd albums suffice?

Hmm.... early Pink Floyd would probably do. But then you'd have to spring for a bottle of Crown.


Bottle of Crown.....Loretta Lynn record.....Bottle of Crown.....Loretta Lynn record.


Tough choice, huh?

...and, of course, "Fluffy" is back to looking over her shoulder again.

FR, how 'bout some old Allman Brothers?

I just remembered that I have "Will the Circle Be Unbroken". There's some good old stuff on that one.

Allman Brothers. Now you're talkin'!




Dirt Band and friends would do, as well.

Sounds like maybe you and I need to make a cake together some time.

Your cat or mine?

It don't matter.