The Value of a Drink

[Jumptrout51]

The Value of a Drink

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look
into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their
hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their
dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
that's as good as they're going to feel all day. '
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.

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'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall
asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to
heaven!'
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

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'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer .
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not
go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as
the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the
herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive
intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

[Flint River Pirate]

[Reel Cowboy]