Americans With No Abilities Act

[RHTFISH]

PRESS RELEASE

Congress expected to pass “Americans With No Abilities” Act.

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 55 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow people of non-ambition to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to that small group of well-skilled and ambitious workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the non-success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance, ability, skill or aptitude. Approximately 94 percent of postal employees lack any job skills and even more lack people skills making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability. As a staunch liberal democrats, they applauded the USPS for their sensitivity toward hiring the "skills and ambitious challenged."

Private-sector industries with good records of hiring and promoting the Inept, unskilled and lack of work ethic include retail sales--Wal-Mart being the model in this catagory (72%), the American automotive industry (68%), PC customer support centers (95%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles and Department of Families and Children also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (83%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but no real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Pay-grades are expected to start equal to a person of skill, abilites and loyal dedication at the 30-year level. Raises are guaranteed and will be overseen by UAW lobbyists.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to all no-abilities employees so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable and inept non-workers. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire three clueless workers for every one talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?' or "have you ever even had a job?'.


'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, congress is assuring Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens that being rewarded for their ineptness, lack of skill and ambition, laziness and the uncanny ability to whine “discrimiation” will continue.


Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities and who don’t feel they should be pressured into getting some just get a handout. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy—and regardless of whether they are American or not--- with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so. Our new President has made it clear that our goal to remove the words “In God We Trust” as the American motto and replace it with some more deserving such as “Something for Nothing. In Obama we Pray.”

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[Bow'd Up]

Sad but probably will be somewhat true in the near future