Kicked in the Gut by a Mule

[Charles]

Got a hernioplasty done this morning. A plug & patch on a direct inguinal hernia. I now know that feels like getting kicked in the gut by a mule. But this ain't the worst part. The worst part was prior to the operation. I'm waiting (bored), I'm cold (why do these places always feel like they keep it in the low 40's), I'm hungry (nothing by mouth after midnight), I have nothing but a gown, open in the back, to wear (I've been known to show my a$$ once in a while, but this is ridiculous), I have a headache (I'm doing that caffeine withdrawal thing), and because of all this I'm cranky, and everybody around is smiling and bubbly which makes me even more . We wait, and do a little of this and wait, and a little of that and wait, and a something else and wait. And finally we wheel down the hall and into the OR. I shift onto the cleaning table (AKA bait cutting board), and right after I do that someone must have slipped a mickey into my IV tube. Next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery room with the nurse keeping a watch on me saying, "Wow! You're awake early."

I look over at the what appears to be a fancy bottom machine she's looking at and ask, "48... is that my resting heart rate?"

"Yep, that's your resting heart rate," she replies.

I figure that's not too bad... for a smoker.

We wait some more. Right about the time my IV empties I ask to go to the bathroom. The IV is empty so I also ask if I can go home.

"I can't let you go until you go to the bathroom. If you don't go I will have to start another IV."

Well by Gawd I'm on a MISSION now. I will be going to the bathroom.

Wooo-Hooo, I'm a free man.

I get in the car, wife driving, kids in the back. I suck down a Camel Non-Filter. I just about guzzle a 20 oz. Coke. I smoke another Camel Non-Filter. I drink another Coke. I smoke another Camel. The wife is worried. My son is completely unconcerned. "If he hasn't had a problem by now, he's not going to."

I begin to feel great, except for being sore. We get home and I get something to eat and I feel better than great.

Now that it's all over except for the healing, I have no problem with going back to TMH if I ever need another procedure done. Excellent care.

And I still feel like I got kicked in the gut by a mule.

So just how does one go about making all this necessary?
You sneeze.
You sneeze one time. You sneeze one time hard enough to blow your guts out.

Then of course you put the operation off for 2 months because you have two upcoming tournaments you don't want to miss.
And it crosses your mind to delay things until after scallop season, but decide that might be pushing it.

And you don't do jack-diddly-squat in either T, so you might as well have gone on and done the operation.

[creech]

Good story! Get well soon.

[DixieReb]

Hurry up and wait, that sounds typical for the hospital. Glad everything's all right, maybe the soreness will go away soon. Good luck, Charles.

[Flanders]

ive never seen anyone make an operation story so interesting and funny.. I was wishing you had wrote more!!

[Dubble Trubble]

Yep, sneezing is dangerous. I had a buddy in Tally that broke his neck sneezing. I had never heard of it before he did it. It was not a bad break, but the doctor had him wear a neck brace for a few months.

Dubble

[WaltDawg]

Hope all is well Charles. I wish you and you lil' Charles had done better the last two tourneys, but I didn't hear you bitch once if you were hurtin'. Hope you feel better buddy.

[ttop_guy]

Very entertaining!

I hope your guts are better soon!

[big bend gyrene]

Need to beg your forgiveness, but your story gave me quite the laugh! Made me recall a forgotten memory of my brother after having hernia repair surgery. He was still a young buck and asked my Mom to bring all kinds of fun electronic games to the hospital to enjoy after his surgery... walked in as he was waking up and remember him groaning that it felt like an elephant was standing on him... using only one foot! Needless to say the games went unplayed for a while

Hope your full recovery is a quick one and thanks for the story!

BBG

[rocket]

Speedy recovery Chuck

[FUTCHCAIRO]

HEY CHARLES, HOPE YA HAVE A COMPLETE AND SPEEDY RECOVERY.
PA, THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA

[Reel Cowboy]

Speedy recovery Charles.
I ain't fond of being put to sleep either.

[SHOWBOAT]

wishing you a speedy recovery Charles. This should be added as a chapter to your book, and I hope to read the next one soon.

[MudDucker]

Good report ... now kick the mule back!

[Sir reel]

Being a born and bred product of the great State of Missouri, my advice would be ... Stand in front of the mule.....

[PerryFisherMan]

I had double repair a few years ago. When you sneeze or cough, hold your stomach and don't hold anything bad - ie - let 'er fly. No other way to do it.