Monday humor law enforcement style

[Rhettley]

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.Sign here."

[Gulf Coast]

[mjsigns]

Here's More....


17. “I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.”

18. “Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say “Thank You.” We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!”

19. “Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.”

20. “Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.”

21. “Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?”

22. “What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of cocaine and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

23. “No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.”

24. “Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.”

25. “She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.”

26. "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

[SS-342]

My cousin retired as a FHP officer. He was once called to work a fender bender out in the country. When he pulled up his step-grandmother came running with arms open as wide as her grin. She had ran into another car on a dirt road crossing.

He claims to be the only officer to ever jail his step grandma.