Alright Gents (AND LADIES) I Need Some Help

[bman]

It's a good idea to friend your kids' friends on facebook or wherever, just to keep an eye on who they're hanging out with. It may be completely innocent, and he's just checking up on who his kids are hanging out with. But that doesn't mean it's not OK for you to confront him about it. If he's the kind of dad who's just keeping a close eye on his own kids, he should understand if you come off a little agressive and be able to explain himself. But if he gets all deffensive and acts nervous, well...................
I'd take him swimming with a pair of concrete shoes.

Red_Yakker is spot on about the other dad.

You should be friends with her if she is on Facebook... only way to know whats going on.
And I would make that a requirement if she is on Facebook... including having her password.

[Rainman]

Be tactful in your approach, you don't want to start at 12 being overly protective just to have her start hiding the things she does because your actions about her playing a word game. I'm not saying don't be protective, just be very careful with how you approach the matter.

[zload]

I have two daughters and it is not appropriate.

It may be very innocent but I don't see it any differently than if he was calling and/or texting her...just not a good idea for any adult male to be involved with a child in that manner. Someone else made a comment about contacting him and just pointing it out as a concern in a non-confrontational manner and that is a good idea as long as he understands it has to stop.

Re:6th grade... I knew the world was different when my oldest daughter came home from 6th grade and started talking about the pregnant girls in her class. In conversations with my peers we all agree that is when the whole world changes and the raging hormones start and a teenager erupts from the loving child you once knew

I would also suggest that if she has an internet/text enabled phone you add some software to monitor all of her texts, pictures, web page visits and such. She may be the angel of your life I can assure some of the kids she is exposed to are not. I was amazed at some of the stuff I saw coming from some of the kids I knew and go to church with. Their definition of normal and acceptable is a world away from most adults.

Also make sure her email for Facebook is your email or a copy gets to your email since messges can be sent that do not show up on the main FB page. That will let you monitor any friend requests as well.

You can be a parent or you can be a friend but you can't be both.

[Tidedancer]

I'm with the "D" vote. Texting is the Devil.

[Flanders]

Got a call from Dad here at work telling me to go check out this post. Now I wish I had waited until I got home because my ears are burning after reading this.
I have two daughters myself 14 & 9. My 14 yr old has a cell “Not w/ internet access, only text and talking”.
My 9 yr old has several years to go before she is allowed a phone.

#1 – I would have a sit down with your daughter and explain your concerns. I would think at 12 she would understand Daddy doesn’t agree and that is the end of that!
#2 – I would pick up the phone and call this individual and let him know “EXACTLY” how you feel about this. No real man talks text, talks or chats on a constant basis with children. Especially if they are not close relation to this child. And damn sure if the Childs parents are not aware. There is something wrong there. In today’s times no chances are taken.

I'm glad I'm not in your shoes on that one. I am very overly protective when it comes to my girls AND my wife. I am reminded regularly about this by the wife. However if I caught a 30 yr old talking to my daughter by text, I wouldn't be posting a reply here, i would be figuring out how to post bond. I need to stop, the more i sit here and write the madder i get...

Just my opinion

[reelcatch]

Scoop
I guess I will add my .02 worth here. In these times this would seem to be a little over the top. My child is a boy and well past that stage but if I were in your shoes I would arrange a meeting with DAD and let him know you are watching and that you have concerns. Petofiles don't like it if they are being watched. Not saying he is but he is talking with a 12 year old without the parents knowledge.

As for deaing with your daughter that is rather tricky as you don't want her to hide things nor do you want her to feel like you are looking throough her things. Good luck with that one.

My vote is D as well by the way too young for a phone like that. Cut the service and problem solved, kind of.

[Scoop Sea]

Thanks fellas for the replies. It sounds like all of us are on the same page. I showed my wife the thread so she could see where I was coming from as a father and husband. She did have a correction, it wasn't a phone, it was an IPOD (doesn't change things too much, but just wanted to make sure I had the facts correct since I threw it out there). I believe my wife gained some insight to where I was coming from and has an understanding of why I thought it was such a big deal.

Here's how this issue was resolved (the thread was intended to show my wife that I wasn't off base with my thoughts and I sure appreciate your responses as they validated my opinion and actions): After talking to both my wife and daughter about the situation, the game was ended and it hasn't occured anymore. I kindly explained that "yes, I may be being too protective in their eyes, however that's what daddy's do". My wife knows the man and his wife and finds him to be a respectable man. I trust her judgement in men (myself excluded ), however, as expressed here, I do not want any opportunities for improper actions to take place, period. In turn, my daughter will not be playing games with adults on the IPOD, Phone, Computer, etc unless they have been properly vetted by both my wife and myself. I will try to get to know the gent a little better if the opportunity arises, as our kids are friends and I need to gain confidence in who my kid is hanging out with. My daughter is extremely bright and is an "old soul", so I am fortunate in that sense. Furthermore, we have a good line of communication thus far in our relationship.

Yeah I know a 12 year old having a phone seems a little crazy but I'm cool with it. I like her having a phone when she is staying at sleepovers, camps, sports, etc. It doesnt have internet, but I did add texting, so that she can communicate discretly with her mother and I if needed. Also, I do have the passwords to her phone and IPOD and I do occassionally look at her messages, etc with her. It hasn't been an issue thus far and I don't think it will be in the future.

Thanks again for expressing your thoughts, which I was able to show my wife as means of validating that us dads ain't crazy, we are just protective of those we love.

Now I am off to the G220 Mens conference and hopefully will run into some of yall over there. Take care and once again, thanks for taking the time to weigh in on this thread.

Scoop

[Cranfield]

Its nice to read that is has all been resolved amicably.

We have two daughters (both in their 30's now) and I was always highly protective of them, frequently having lectures from my wife on how I was being too strict.
In their adult years the subject has come up many times and they have both said that they liked knowing their father loved them and was looking out for them, even though they may have moaned at the time.
I am sure your daughter feels the same way.

[Gulf Coast]

[tallykenj]

Sea Scoop, good approach. I have two young daughters and I'm always concerned people trying to take advantage of them.

[Sir reel]

Even though it seems to be resolved.... I'd voted "C" for sure.

[Scoop Sea]

Its nice to read that is has all been resolved amicably.

We have two daughters (both in their 30's now) and I was always highly protective of them, frequently having lectures from my wife on how I was being too strict.
In their adult years the subject has come up many times and they have both said that they liked knowing their father loved them and was looking out for them, even though they may have moaned at the time.
I am sure your daughter feels the same way.

I'm glad to know that there is hope that my being over protective may be appreciated by my daughters in the future, like you experienced.

On a side note, the G220 Men's Conference was very good and it was great to see over 300 men from the Wakulla and surrounding areas coming out to learn to be better fathers, husbands, and men.

Scoop