-MY KIND OF WOMAN!

[Jumptrout51]

-MY KIND OF WOMAN!


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to
a bank by an 86 year old woman.
>
>The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have
>it published in the New York Times.

>Dear Sir:
>
>I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay
>my plumber last month.
>By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting
>the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..
>
>I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
>of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
>eight years.
>
>You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
>of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience
>caused to your bank.
>
>My thankfulness springs from the manner in which
>this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
>I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters,
>--- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
>pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
>
>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
>
>My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
>hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
>personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
>
>Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open
>such an envelope.
>
>Please find attached an Application Contact which
>I require your chosen employee to complete.
>
>I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that
>I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
>
>Please note that all copies of his or her medical
>history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details
>of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied
>by documented proof.
>
>In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your
>employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>
>I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
>but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required
>of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
>
>As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>
>Let me level the playing field even further.
>
>When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>
>IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
>
>#1. To make an appointment to see me
>
>#2. To query a missing payment.
>
>#! 3. To tr ansfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>
>
>#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
>
>#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
>
>#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
>
>#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
> Password will
>be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
>
>#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>
>#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
> The
>contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
>service.
>
>#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
>
> While this
>may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration
>of the call.
>
>Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment
>fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>
>May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly
>less prosperous New Year?
>
>Your Humble Client
>
>And remember: Don't make old People mad.
>We don't like being old in the first place, so it
>doesn't take much to piss us off.